The following is a letter I wrote to a Rabbi at Ahavas Yisroel and summarizes pretty accurately my current religious quandaries and doubts:

If the Torah isn't from G-d, then how can I follow a
religion based entirely upon it? And if it is from
G-d, then where are His kindness, His love, and His
justice? A G-d of pure goodness remote from an evil
world is somehow tolerable, but a G-d who intervenes
in its history and actively causes good men to suffer
because they do not accept the Jewish worldview seems
somehow absurd and merciless.

I have believed that the Divine is some element to
which the spirit of mankind is naturally attracted and
that each nation, through its own religious genius,
prescribes a method of ritual and myth by which it
might approach that divine, or what we would call G-d,
something ineffable and incomprehensible.

But I find I have little tolerance for intolerance:
what kind of a god would judge humanity's attempts to
reach him invalid and consequently deal with them more
harshly and stringently than even the most cynical of
men? Why would one remote people stranded in a desert
in the corner of the earth be chosen from among all
the other nations men have inhabited in every part of
the globe? Why should I leave off studying everybody
for the sake of a single nation and her convoluted
egotism, an egotism she would find entirely misplaced
after even a casual reading perusal of her own Bible,
which proclaims her wholly unfit for the task which
she was (supposedly) assigned?

And I was thinking a good deal about Kings II and King
Josiah, the discovery of the Book of Law; the argument
for God's authorship (Moses et al, if you will) is
that all the people were present when God delivered
the Torah -- but it just seems so much of Israel
strayed from the Torah, how would they ever pass down
the tradition that they were there? They gave it no
importance. They willingly followed other gods. The
supposed Book of Moses isn't "discovered" until after
King Josiah's renovations of the temple; it seems a
period of many generations before Israel even has the
Torah at all.

And if the Torah is from God, how can we deny that
Jesus is the messiah? Look what happened to the Jews
and look what happened to the Christians! The history
of it would seem proof enough...

Forgive me if this is very harsh, but very harsh are
my doubts; and I have questions and I am uncertain if
or how I can find answers. And the argument, "All of
Israel was there..." it seems so cheap, so
unsatisfying, so far from the grounds of scholarly
debate and historical study, and I am sure if I only
had the qualifications and the training I could
provide a very good and not only plausible but
extremely likely reason for the tradition.

But again, forgive me if this is harsh in tone. Even
having spoken of it I feel some relief. I think I
shall go to schul again tomorrow. But these thoughts
are a heavy burden on top of everything else, at
times.

Alex Leibowitz